Girls rule, boys drool

By Lisa Sugarman

I know going into this that it’s going to be impossible for me to get away with saying what I’m about to say without completely alienating an entire population’s worth of people, and that’s a pretty big risk to take in my line of work. But what the hell, we both know I’m going to say it anyway. So here goes.

Women should rule the world.

Now I know most of you girlies out there just jumped out of your chairs clapping and screaming and yelling, “DUH!” But I’m afraid the boys probably aren’t having quite the same reaction. And I expected that going into it.

But I’m honestly not trying to insult anyone here, in spite of how it may look. Because I know, it looks bad if you’re reading this and you’re a guy. But toughen up, boys. The truth sometimes stings but it’ll make you stronger in the end.

All I’m saying is that, collectively, guys have been at the wheel now for the majority of human history and we’re still doing an awful lot of fighting and there are still millions of mouths out there in the world that need feeding. Not to mention a laundry list of other things that still need fixing. And that’s just the plain and simple indisputable truth, hurtful as that truth may be.

I mean, let’s just talk about hunger alone for a second. As far as the hunger issue is concerned, any mom I know, myself included, would never let anybody go hungry if they had breath left in their body. It’s just not in our DNA. Every single one of us is genetically wired to feed the people around them. That’s why we have whole neighborhoods in our kitchen on any given day of the week and we’re always feeding everybody else’s kids. You think we’d let the rest of the world go hungry? Please.

And that’s only one example. But I’m not alone in thinking this. Even though I’m pretty confident that most women believe that a girl in charge might just be the solution to all our problems, there are people out there who are way more credible than me who think the same thing. And one of them, who’s been pretty vocal about it in the last couple of weeks, is former White House press secretary Dee Dee Myers. Dee Dee has been out in the foreground lately reminding people that the last century has been the bloodiest in human history. It’s been a tale of war, terrorism, religious extremism, abject poverty, and disease. And while Dee Dee and I are by no means saying it’s all men’s fault, we are pointing out that men have been the ones mostly in charge, and we seem to be no closer to finding answers to our problems now then we were two hundred years ago.

Look, contrary to what you boys might think, I’m not saying this just because I’m looking for a legitimate reason to change the entire planet’s color palate to favor pinks and pastels. I’m saying all this because I genuinely believe that since women are traditionally more inclined and predisposed to talk things out and really work on problems starting at their emotional roots, we might have a fighting chance at fixing things because we’re willing to travel the emotional road that needs to be traveled. Challenging as that may be. Because according to my girl Dee Dee, when the future of the free world is at stake, helping people get in touch with their softer side may actually be the way to go.

I mean let’s just look at the issue of conflict resolution, as another example. And think about it honestly. Historically, you hear way more incidences of guys punching other guys in the face over an issue than you do of guys sitting down and talking about their feelings. Stop laughing, guys. That’s just rude.

I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of two good ol’ boys breaking each other’s nose and then buying the other guy a beer. And while that might address the immediate conflict, it by no means solves the real problem. The punching in the face is merely a distraction that allows them both to vent a little steam and move on. It’s a band-aid. In fact, it’s a band-aid that usually requires a Band-Aid. Not a real solution.

What would a woman do? I think we both know the answer, but I’ll say it anyway. Most women I know, myself included, would dig deep to understand what the real problem was. They’d wrap themselves in Kleenex, wade in, and try to resolve the conflict. And, contrary to what the majority of guys may think, there is a real benefit to pulling back layers of the onion to reveal what’s inside. Because even though there’s usually a fair amount of crying involved in peeling onions, it’s still a necessary evil because it exposes what’s really hidden deep down inside. And you can only ever really expect to reach the crux of a problem by pulling back enough layers to fully expose the crux. That’s just how cruxes work.

The fact of the matter is, traditionally, that’s just how girls roll. We dig deep and in doing that, we get the job done.

Let’s face it, if women ruled the world, most things, especially things like politics, would be more collegial. Businesses would be more productive. Communities would be healthier. Because empowered women make things happen, and we’ve proven it time and time again. So I’m not even going to mention names like Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Eleanor Roosevelt, Hillary Clinton, Gloria Steinem, Indira Gandhi, Margaret Thatcher. Oops. Try to remember, while guys have always been typecast as hunter-gatherers, girls are typecast as multi-taskers who almost always have at least nine hundred different balls in the air at any given moment. And that’s because we instinctively know how to get the job done without dropping any balls. It’s a skill. Plus, it’s our job. Girls know we can’t afford to drop any balls.

According to Dee Dee, and now me, if women were in charge, things might actually have a decent shot at changing. Instead of posturing, we’d have cooperation. Instead of gridlock, we’d have progress. Instead of a shouting match, we’d have a conversation. A very long and teary conversation, granted, but a conversation nonetheless.

I know what you’re thinking, boys, you’re thinking, ‘God help us, if girls take over we’ll all be so busy getting in touch with our feminine side that we’ll never get anything done.’ Well, I think it’s fair to say that even in spite of all our emotional tendencies, girls manage to get it done. We bear and raise children, work, and are productive, highly-educated members of the human race. And we do it all in spite of the fact that it takes us significantly longer to get ready in the morning than a man. So if we can do everything that we already do, do it well, and make sure that everyone has left the house with their lunch, their homework, and their permission slips signed, saving the rest of the world should be a piece of cake. And deep down I think we all know it.

Lisa Sugarman lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Read and discuss all her columns at facebook.com/ItisWhatitisColumn. She is also the author of LIFE: It Is What It Is available on Amazon.com.