By Lisa Sugarman
I’ve given this an awful lot of thought and I’ve made a decision. A very important decision. One that’s most likely going to have a big impact on the way I live the rest of my life. But I’m sure, tough as it is, this is the decision I have to make.
I’m getting a divorce.
I know, you never saw that coming. Well neither did I, frankly. I never thought I’d ever hear myself say the words. But when things aren’t working out the way you planned, you owe it to yourself to take a step back and take a long, hard look at your relationships. You need to weigh them out and decide if what you’re putting in is what you’re getting out. And when you do, sometimes you’ll find yourself in the black and sometimes you’re in the red. And when you’re in the red, you have to face the brutal truth that you may just have to cut your losses and move on. Because sometimes a breakup can be the first step toward finding true happiness.
The truth is, for the first time in a long time, I’m being honest with myself. I’ve realized that things just aren’t working out like I’d planned. I’m not happy in the ways I know I should be. I’ve been going around and around in circles hoping that patterns and behaviors and outcomes would change, but they haven’t.
That’s why I’m finally reconciled that it’s time to cut the cord. And while I’m sad about it, I know that splitting up is probably the only way I can live a healthy, balanced life.
So after years and years of broken promises and the heartache that comes with them, I finally realize that I need to assert myself so I’m not doomed to keep repeating the same cycle. And while I’m sure we’ll still cross paths, and that will be awkward I’m sure, eventually we’ll learn to tolerate being around each other and we can happily co-exist.
Please don’t feel sad for me. I can sense that you are. I’m really ok. Actually, I’m resigned that I’ve done all I can do to make this relationship work but the bottom line is that we’re just not good together. Even Dave agrees. He’s seen it coming for a long time.
He’s seen me pretend that I’m happy even when he knows that I’m not. And I know it kills him to see me so conflicted. That’s why he’s supporting my decision. Completely.
Look, I know that announcing something like this here, so publicly, is more than a little unorthodox. But I can’t explain it; it just feels right to me. I guess I feel like a real public declaration will make me stand by my decision.
Now I’m not telling you any of this to upset you. Although I know that’s inevitable. Breakups are hard on everyone involved. And as of now, you’re involved. But it’s really not as bad as it seems. I promise. It’s what has to happen for the sake of everyone’s health and well-being, especially mine.
So as of today, I’m officially divorcing myself from all the foods that I know are ruining my quality of life. The foods that have wooed me into believing they’re good for me, but actually leave me feeling bad about myself and unsatisfied. You know them; they’re foods like sugar and white flour and ice cream and pie. Indulgences like crème brûlée. Damn you, crème brûlée, why do you have to be so damn sweet? They’ve seduced me, these foods. They’re playas, every one of them. Only sugar is their rufie.
See, for the longest time I was sure I’d be lost without them, that’s why I kept going back to them. I guess you could say I was co-dependent. I’ve tried trial separations and they just don’t work. I just kept disillusioning myself with promises that this time will be different. And sadly, it never was. But I know now that I’m strong enough on my own that I don’t need them anymore. That what I really need is a clean break so I can finally move on and find true happiness in a cleaner, more nutritionally balanced relationship.
Will I miss them all when the divorce is final? Of course. Will I be jealous when I see them with someone else? What do you think? But, over time, I know I’ll find the right foods for me and we can be exclusive. Foods that will bring out the best in me and make me feel good about myself. Then, after time, I won’t pine for the other ones anymore. And eventually, I will’ve moved on. Eventually, I won’t stare at the Scalia bread on Dave’s plate and feel sad. Eventually, I’ll find peace in my new relationship.
Hey, it just occurred to me as I was rereading this, you didn’t think I was getting a divorce from Dave all this time, did you? Baaaaahahahahahaha! Wow, that would’ve been awkward.
Lisa Sugarman lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Read and discuss all her columns at facebook.com/ItisWhatitisColumn. She is also the author of LIFE: It Is What It Is available on Amazon.com and at Spirit of ’76 Bookstore.